


sleep tight; wish you could hold me at night

by libellules



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Clarke does not love him, Clarke just misses Lexa so much, F/F, I kind of ignore all logical plot lines for some emo bullshit, but imagine Clarke and Lexa raising Madi together, happy ending? Eh kind of but not really, okay maybe I just miss Lexa so much, poor bellamy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 00:45:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16186559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/libellules/pseuds/libellules
Summary: Clarke misses Lexa, misses having something to live for. The new planet will never be home without her.Or the one where Clarke just really misses Lexa and has a little emo session while she’s in bed with Bellamy.





	sleep tight; wish you could hold me at night

Clarke couldn’t sleep; the shriek of the broken metal blade in the fan mixed with Bellamy’s a snoring was pounding against her eardrums. She crept quietly out of bed and towards their bedroom window. It was one of the rare rooms in the ship that actually had a window. 

It would be soon that they would land on the new planet. Clarke had no idea what to expect physically. For all they know, they could die as soon as the door is opened. Or perhaps they’ll live long enough to build a society and then kill each other off as they seem to do time and time again. Clarke pulls her sweater on over her t-shirt and allows herself a hideaway from her daunting reality. 

And yet, even when all of human existence in the galaxy is about to change, she thinks of Lexa. Her kind, visionary love who would be so disappointed by everything she’s done. She would see the Clarke that kept killing, hurting, damaging. The Clarke that couldn’t save humanity, couldn’t save the planet. She would see a Clarke who tucked herself into the arms of a man she didn’t love in a ship that wasn’t hers headed to a planet that she knew nothing about.

It had been a long time, probably about 125 years, since Clarke had seen earth. Really, about a week. But it had been years since she had seen Lexa. Clarke would give her whole spirit to return to the city of light and take Lexa in her arms. To be loved unconditionally and to give love. To sleep beside the one person who truly knew her. 

But Lexa was gone. Earth was gone. Monty and Harper were gone too. 

Why keep fighting for humanity? It was a thought that kept crossing Clarke’s mind. Why even bother when it just turned to shit over and over again. They were never going to get it right. Fuck peace and harmony. People were chaos. Human beings were their own downfall. Did people even deserve to survive. 

The ones who did were all gone. 

Clarke returned to the bed and tucked herself against Bellamy. His breath was steady; the comfort of the rise and fall of his chest would be enough to get her through the night. Maybe even the next. But with her eyes closed she could almost convince herself she was back on the ground in Lexa’s arms.

It was never going to be enough for her to survive. She had lost everything. She had lost Lexa.

Madi. She was the real reason that Clarke needed to make it through the night. If humanity didn’t deserve to survive, Madi still did. Lexa would’ve loved Madi. They would’ve been a real family, the three of them. Lexa would braid Madi’s hair and teach her how to be kind. Clarke would go to sleep with a warm heart and hands filled with the hands of the two women she cared most about. She would have the purpose that she needed to continue. She wouldn’t question why she kept living.

But Lexa was in Madi, in more ways than just the flame. She was in her tenacious spirit, in her fighting ability. Everytime Madi challenged her she saw Lexa’s determined eyes. Lexa would be so proud of Madi. Lexa would love her. 

Clarke closed her eyes. Soon she would step foot on her new ground and begin to establish her new place in the universe. She would start fresh at the end of her life, at the end of life itself. She would watch Madi grow into an incredible woman. She would fall asleep every night in the arms of a man she would never love. 

She would spend every night with Lexa until her last breath, until her chest failed to raise again.

**Author's Note:**

> So I haven’t updated any of my actual stories in light years (haha what a good space pun), but I was feeling angsty and needed to use my creative outlet to release my longly pent up frustrations because why the fuck did they kill of Lexa?? Anyway, this is short and a mess but I’m emotional so it’s getting posted unbetad and unread by me.


End file.
